This must be how dudes felt about the new Star Wars...but this is the Bachelor Season I've been waiting for. After Prince Farming, the bar is high...and this season started off with some serious potential...and Ben spending about ten minutes telling us about how he likes to hang around his elementary school...
Will there be friends with "Ben"efits this season...Hell Yeah!
Oh my gosh...it turned into bro club and Ben got advice from three former bachelors..two married and One Prince Farming who basically said...smooch them all! (Sigh, I miss his trashiness already)
Mandy...there has to be a weird girl every season...and she is a dentist who enjoys flaming bag pipes...who refuses to date someone who doesn't floss..and she asked him to pollinate her
And now the twins. Two sisters willing to make out with the same dude. They are either here for fame...or creepily close and I'm voting the creepy side right now.
Amanda is the girl who is so pretty you know no one has ever told her no. She is divorced and a Mom of two and somehow only like 90 pounds aka living the dream.
Hello Tara...her job is chicken enthusiast. She pets them, feeds them and even lets them live in her house. Not sure how she pays the bills because she is clearly not eating them.
Sam reminds me of that show Younger. Saying she is 26 but actually in her 40's. She had a sob story..so I already feel guilty for saying that.
First girl out of the Limo was Lauren and she is a flight attendant who gave him wings...I see Mile High Club in his future ;)
Then Caila who wanted to touch his body...so she jumped in his arms...but he didn't drop her Le Sigh...
Then some hoochie swept in and got the first kiss.
And then we stopped speaking English for awhile
And then of course there was a girl named Joelle who showed up like she got lost on her way to an EDM concert and had a unicorn head on...
Another girl asked to be called Red Velvet...and that's all I'm gonna say about that...
Then a mini horse named Bubba showed up
And he tried to eat the competition
Then a lady brought her eating disorder front and center and asked Ben to destroy bread with her because it is Satan.
Ben was then asked if he was the onesie...
And then since it is 2016, a hover board showed up
Then a normal girl who will go home in like five seconds
Then a Kaitlyn lookalike named Lauren
Then there was a marriage invite
These girls are all gorgeous and have never been turned down...so they are going to lose their minds when they get denied this season!
(All Images are pictures taken from Liz Luedeman's television while watching Local 24)
Miley Cyrus is nasty...because she shared a toilet selfie...yes, apparently that is a thing. It's okay if you need a moment to process...because girl took to Instagram wearing what looks like Pajamas covered in Drake's face, blue lipstick and then herself getting down to business.
Rihanna does not like The Grizzlies and more specifically Matt Barnes. So we just picked him up as a player like less than two months ago...but he was caught running his mouth to TMZ that he and Rihanna had been on some dates...and while Rihanna normally ignores the rumors, she took to Instagram last night to say he is a liar ...she has never met him...and then she called him a devil, which sucks because it would have been AWESOME to see her at FedEx Forum this season.
Nicki Minaj bailed on a concert early...because a fan got maced in the face. Get this y'all, at one of her show's in California over the weekend, fans were trying to push forward to get closer to the stage that resulted in a full on brawl with multiple people throwing punches and someone eventually taking some pepper spray to the face. Nicki brought the maced fan up on stage, hugged her and got some water to help wash her eyes out...and then she decided to not finish her set.
Mary Kate Olsen Sarkozy?!? Y'all...it looks like Mary Kate finally married her fiance that looks more like her Dad than her lover because he was spotted at a Charity event over the weekend and had a gold wedding band on his ring finger.
Zac Efron will star in Baywatch. It is like all of our dreams have come true because Zac...and his abs....will be in the 2017 Reboot...and this seems like a good time to make my announcement...I will also be joining the cast of Baywatch...Just kidding ;)
Jennifer Anniston was married by Jimmy Kimmel...and from what I hear...it was a very "Thoreux" ceremony...Hey oh! Get it...because the groom's last name is Thoreux...no...okay? Anyways more details are leaking that Jimmy joined the two in holy matrimony and that to maintain secrecy, everyone had to turn their phones over as soon as they showed up...sneaky sneaky.
Ed Sheeran is single...and ready to mingle. Sorry friends, but yesterday a rumor started that Ed was with cougar Nicole Sherzinger from the Pussycat dolls...but sadly, that is all that it was...just a rumor. The two were caught in a picture that looked romantic...but it was just a friendly greeting...so we can continue to hold out hope that one day he and Taylor Swift will get married.
Justin Bieber Deep Sea fishes in tightie whities. This dude needs a reality show...like the unscripted kind because he spent yesterday on a yacht...in the ocean, trying catch some fish in his underwear...because...why not? When you are filthy rich you can do basically whatever you want.
Nicki Minaj is pregnant. At least according to her. On stage over the weekend she asked the crowd to give it up for her Baby's Father, Meek Mill and then the camera panned to him where he was raising his hands in the air. Now since then she has not confirmed the news...but word on the street is that she is about 3 months along...which explains why she doesn't have a bump yet and hasn't been seen drinking/partying. Congrats Mama Minaj!
Kim Kardashian rewards her fans...with boobs. She promised to do something special on Instagram if she hit 42 Million followers...which she did on Saturday night...so to thank her fans she shared a picture of her cleavage that is so low...you can see her spanx.
Justin Bieber has an "older" lady in his life...Mariah Carey and these two made sweet music because they are working on a collaboration that is not set to be out for a couple more months...except I already have my hands on it! It is called "Why You Mad" and The Biebs even has his own verse in it. As far as Bieber songs go, it is good.
Miley Cyrus has Bad Blood...and slams Taylor Swift in her interview with Marie Claire...she doesn't exactly name names but she talks about how unfair Hollywood is when we support someone with a revenge song but then judge her for being naked. She basically says that at the end of the day, both parties are bad role models but for some reason we find one acceptable and the other appalling.
Rihanna half naked and twerking. I do not even know how girl moves her butt like that...but she does and did. She attended a Crop festival in her native Barbados where she showed up wearing basically just jewels and feathered wings. She rode through a parade on a float and that is where she got down and dirty...and ladies...if you are trying to learn some new moves, the video is up on my Twitter ...but be careful, I almost threw a hip out trying it.
Gwen Stefani is getting divorced. After 13 years and three kids together, Gwen announced yesterday that she and Gavin Rossdale are mutually splitting. They both filed their divorce papers stating Blah Blah Blah...but lets just hope Gavin is sure he wants to go through with this because you know...I heard Gwen Ain't No Hollaback girl...
Miley Cyrus eating cake topless. This girl is crazy because yesterday she shared a pic of her and GF Stella Maxwell indulging in cake..and oh, yeah, Miley is topless and covered in glitter in it. She just captioned it "This is how we party"...which I might just be getting old now...but I have no idea how this lady parties as hard as she does.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are not getting divorced...at least yet. Yesterday the rumor mill turned hardcore that these two had officially called it quits and I am not sure whether it was just a bold face lie...or these two made up because a couple hours after the headline hit the streets, Will publicly posted it that if he ever divorced Jada...he would tell us himself.
Chris Hemsworth is getting skinty...so the man who was once People's Sexiest Man Alive and a very musclelisious Thor...is down to only 500 calories a day to play the role of a shipwrecked dude in an upcomming movie. Now Chris says he spends most of his time dreaming about Pizza and Ice Cream...which come on...we all do...but he is sticking to the diet for now to help with the role. Lets take a moment of silence for his once rocking bod
Mr Taylor Swift was not always so pretty...turns out Calvin Harris also went through the awkward teen years like rest of us common folk, because he posted a Throwback yesterday and dude had acne, whack hair, an awkward polo and was legit a pooka shell necklace away from looking like one of the tool bags I went to high school with.
Caitlyn Jenner is beating the Kardashians...bump keeping up with them, because the debut of her show "I am Cait" on Sunday night had the best ratings anyone in the Kardashian clan has seen in years. She brought in around 2.5 Million people, which on the reals...wasn't me, I was watching Big Brother, but E! is expecting big things out of her. So move over Kim, Caitlyn is the new cashcow for the family.
One Direction fans were lied to! Because Zayn just announced he has signed with a new record label so that he can pursue his solo career. Now if you remember, earlier in the year he announced that he was leaving the Boy Band so that he could have more privacy and live a normal life...well we have determined that was a lie...dude apparently had a bad attitude in the band and thought he could do better on his own...but based off Twitter reactions...I don't think his 1D fans are following him.
Britney Spears has still got it going on...because girl can do splits. It don't matter that she is a momma in her 30's...she is still a dancer because a pic was snapped of her on vacation chilling on the beach doing splits in the sand and laughing her face off.
I got my name from beating a 350-pound man in a chicken nugget eating contest! I like pizza and calzones and pizza rolls and pizza hot pockets and run on sentences. I'm really good at listening to music and taking selfies. I also dabble in doing horrible stand up comedy.