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Bachelorette Blog-Knocked Out Edition

Bachelorette land, last night was bananas and we finally got to really see our first look at Kaitlyn as Bachelorette.  She was acting like she had been named a royal queen...

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She started off with the first group date where she literally had the guys beat the junk out of each other in a boxing ring for her affection...it went something like this
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Uhh...I am so manly...
 
No, I am more manly...
 
and then they like punched each other until one passed out and had to go to the hospital.
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On the actual date, Kaitlyn got to smooching basically every guy there...so there was a lot of this noise 
 
Muah
 
The rose of the night of course went to the guy who beat the most guys up in the ring...Ben Z.
 
Then there was the solo date where Kaitlyn took one of the guys to have underwater portraits made.  It was supposed to be a sweet moment...but just reminded me of the sinking scene in titanic and will make for some very awkward pictures to display when these two dont work out...
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 (Photo Courtesy of Twitter.com @Bacheloretteabc)
And then on the next group date Kaitlyn enlisted the help of the manliest person she knew...Amy Schumer, to help the guys do stand up...and that is saying a lot because she just hung out with Laila Ali...
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This is where we learned who the toolbag of the season is...JJ.  So homeboy decides to tell Amy that life is hard because he is smarter than 90% of the people he encounters..
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after horrible stand up jokes, we have the first cocktail party on Koopah approached Kaitlyn because he thinks that he is there to fulfill a racial quota...and the look on Kaitlyn's face was pure shock and you can immediately see he knew he made a mistake, so he was all...
Kupah
 
you know, I was just making sure your intentions, were aligned with my intentions, so that intentions could be good intentions and I think this is a great story to start our romance off...to which she Kaitlyn was like Ummm...you gots to go. 
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Oh...and then for some reason we follow Britt's love life at the end of the episode...didn't we vote to send her home?!? 
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Bachelorette Blog-Creepy Guy Edition

First things first, lets start with how weird it is that There are two Bachelorettes this season.  It felt like the dudes were trying to order Fro-Yo when deciding which girl to vote for..."Yo...I'll take Kaitlyn in a waffle cone...oh no, let me get the Britt with the Sprinkles"

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but of course Chris Harrison was chomping at the bit over the whole thing.  The only words he said more than "The biggest Twist in Bachelorette History" was "Have you seen my new book?"

 

The girls were so tense...obviously...Kaitlyn looked like she was sucking a lemon and was throwing shade at Britt then entire time but wrapping it up in compliments while Britt cried about how beautiful she is.

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The guys this season are straight up nerds and I feel like the franchise is searching for their next Prince Farming...because there were a lot of country guys this season.  Which Britt was feeling when they were all about her...but as soon as one looked at Kaitlyn, she basically lost it.

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Of course the dudes were bizarre.  There was Tony who I am going to call the Spiritual Gangsta.  This freak talks to his plants and gives them a kiss and tells them that he loves them before he leaves home.  He described himself as sensitive...but what he forgot to mention was that he also lives in his Mom's basement and enjoys rubbing ointment on her corns.

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We had Ryan who got so hammered he picked a fight with the other men, grabbed Kaitlyn's Booty cheeks and was kicked out of the house before the first rose ceremony.  The grossest part is he spent a lot of time in the pool...and we all know he was peeing in there.

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Oh and then one dude drew Kaitlyn a picture of him riding a dinosaur while holding a rose.  That is what we call prison art...

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And then we had a stripper.  He went all Magic Mike when he met the girls.  His stripping wasn't the awkard part though...not seeing Britt pull out a roll of $1's was...

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There were of course the dudes that were trying to step right in like they were already dating the girls and playing protector mode...which was just weird.  There was even a dude who rolled up in a car filled with water that he called a carpool...which while I enjoy a good pun...it wasn't working.  Especially when he explained his job is as an amateur sex coach.  What does that even mean?!?  I mean, other than him wearing a trench coat outside of na-na stores?!?

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We also need to talk about how there are three dudes there from Nashville...THREE!  Where the heck is the Memphis representation.  One named Chris got a good showing because he showed up in a cupcake car and said since he is a dentist he never advises sugar...but that this time he will.  And then he flashed his pearly whites.

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We had a lot of fake careers again and drinks that were drunk and of couse Chris Harrison left us on the edge of our seats and we have to watch tonight to see who is chosen as the Bachelorette...but spoiler alert...it is Kaitlyn.  So be prepared for a lot of pretty crying from Britt, not because she was looking for real love but because her 15 minutes of fame just ended.

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E on The Q w/ Hairy Pits and Thigh Tattoos!

The first pic of Justin TImberlake's son...and he is the cutest little Grizzly ever.  Last night JT posted a pic of wifey and the baby and while they were not at the grizz game in person, they should off their pride with Baby Silas in a Memphis Grizzlies TShirt. I'm taking bets his first words are Whoop that Trick! 
 
Miley Cyrus is trashy...or lazy...or a little bit of both because homegirl has some of the hairiest armpits that I have ever seen.  Check the picture she posted over the weekend...yikes...I get the heebie jeebies everytime I see it...well we know she is still in a relationship bc these are not the pits of a single lady.  She could braid her all natural hair at this point...Miley is going to have to use a tractor instead of a razor to harvest that crop.
 
Harry Styles is a real rocker now...because he has a sick thigh tattoo.  Over the weekend Chelsea Handler posted a pic of her hanging with Harry...but nobody cared about that...all we could focus on was the fact that he now has a massive thigh tattoo...now we can't make out clearly what it is...but my guess is it is a Michael Jackson commemorative or a dragon...just because...
 
Lady Gaga could end up on cops...well, not really because the show has been cancelled...but she did have a run in with the law...for loitering.  BUM BUM BUM!  So she took too long getting dropped curbside at a restaurant and got hit with a citation.  So let this be a lesson to you kids out there, stay in school, say no to drugs...and the biggest one...don't loiter if you want to be an upstanding citizen. 

UPDATE: Liz's AquaLipo Journey at NuBody Concepts of Memphis

Here is the difference in my arm just one week out from my Aqualipo Procedure.  Swelling will continute to go down...but don't they look amazing?!?

Huge thanks to NuBody Concepts of Memphis for doing such a stellar job and at the 6 week mark I will share more pics!  If you want to book a consultation, it is free and you get $500 off your procedure if you mention me, Liz.  Their website is NubodyConcepts.com 


Liz's First Update on Her AquaLipo Procedure

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Hey Guys!  I am undergoing a journey with Body Contouring and AquaLipo with NuBody Concepts.  To follow my journey, watch the video above! 


E on The Q Where Liz is Twinsies w/ The Rock!

Can you smell what the rock is singing?!? because Dwayne Johnson announced yesterday that he will be starring in a Disney animated film out next year where he will play a character named Mauiu and the whole thing is a musical...not only will he do his own stunts...but he will also be singing his own songs.

 
Avril Lavigne's mystery illness has been revealed...Lyme Disease.  She did an interview with People magazine where she let everyone know that she was bedridden for 5 months and it all stemmed from a mosquito bite that she received on Tour...she said that her illness is what led to rumors that her husband Chad Kroger was cheating on her but it was just that she couldn't get out with him.
 
The Kardashians just got a new show...excuse me while I go toss my cookies...because it is official, E has signed the paperwork for a spinoff show called Dash Dolls that will follow employees in their store.  It debuts in the fall and also means that the family with the least talent in Hollywood will make even more money while still doing nothing because they will get a large cut of the series by association.  BTW...you can't see me...but I'm rolling my eyes right now...
 
Today is a sad day in America for Twilight fans...because Edward is off the market.  Robert Pattinson is officially engaged to FKA Twigs.  His friend TPain let the cat out of the bag in an interview with Vulture...now he tried to play it off as an April Fool's Joke...but after reaching out to sources...it turns out it is in fact true.  Good luck to the happy lovebirds and at least he didn't wind up with Kristin Stewart.

E on The Q When Zayn Leaves The Band

Zayne Malik has left One Direction...and the world is freaking out...check the video to see what happened when I found out...

 

50 Shades of Grey just got hotter...because the unrated DVD is coming out...and it apparently contains even more graphic scenes and an alternate ending for your at home viewing pleasure.  Yesterday at teaser video was released asking if we want more...and as someone who watched it in the theater...I think I am good with the level that I saw there...but if you like things a little raunchier it comes out on May 8th.

 

Iggy Azalea got a boob job...so we know the real reason why she has delayed going on tour...it is so her new girls could heal before she jumped and ran around on stage because Iggy admitted to having body issues after moving to Hollywood and considering modeling and when asked if she would change anything she said...I did...four months ago I got implants.

 

Vin Diesel called out the Oscars...he declared yesterday that Fast and The Furious 7 will win the Oscar for best picture next year...if not, the Oscars will lose all relevancy because this is going to be the biggest movie of the year...which I totally agree with him.  I am over boring movies taking the title!

 


E on The Q Where Beliebers Go CRAZY!

Vin Diesel gave the sweetest tribute to Paul Walker...and named his new baby daughter after him.  He revealed on the Today Show yesterday that he named her Pauline.  He said that there was no person he was thinking of more when he cut the umbilical cord and knew that Paul was there with him.  Excuse me while I go cry in the corner now....

 
The One Directioners and Beliebers have gone crazy...stay away from Twitter today adults...well at least from the kiddo pages because Liam Payne of One Direction received a Tweet yesterday asking him if he was sad that Justin Bieber would always be more famous than him, to which he responded how many times have I been arrested and all heck broke lose.  Beliebers across the world started sending hate tweets to Liam followed by One Direction fans attacking those people.  It is cray...and I'm just glad Twitter wasn't around at the height of the NSYNC and BSB days...
 
The Kardashians are trash...you already knew that...but they have sunk even lower.  After playing our sympathies while secretly having Scott Disick paid to go to rehab...he has ditched the facility and has been seen partying at night in Costa Rica.  Those folks have no home training.
 
Taylor Swift is trying to take down the SAT's...high schoolers take a moment to cheer...because apparently the Princeton Review used her song 15 as an example of Bad Grammar...but they had a typo.  Taylor took to Tubmlr last night to set them straight...so the big lesson learned here...is don't take on Taylor.

E On the Q Where You See JLo's Twins!

Who was J Lo's cute date?!?  Only her twins...no literally, her kids, get your mind out of the gutter.  She attended a premier this weekend with her 7 yr olds Max and Emme and they looked like they were going to an Easter Egg hunt in adorable pastels.  They look so much like their dad Marc Anthony, to see her best date pic ever, its up on Twitter @lizontheq 

 
Insurgent smashed the box office.  So I was totally off last week thinking that Cinderella would dominate once more, because Insurgant raked in $54 Million and the number one Spot.  Cinderella came in 2nd with a healthy $34.5 Million and everything else brought in around or less than $5 Million.
 
Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper?!?  There is a big buzz that these two are a secret couple.  The evidence is the boocoo's of movies that they have done together romantically, Bradley's breakup last week and the overall chemistry that they share...Now when asked about it J Law said that there is no physical relationship between the two of them just professional respect and love for food...so I would like to go ahead and vote these two fall in love
 
How is Miley Cyrus post cheating scandal?!?  Apparently really well...girl partied it up in Vegas over the weekend taking shots, dancing, hanging with her friends and gave a full appearance of normalcy...well as normal as Miley can get.  In most breakups...a little vodka and we are crying like a fountain...so it looks like the two are in a good place...even though he was not by her side.
 
Is Taylor Swift thinking about doing adult movies?!?  Absolutely not!  That is why she is buying up every raunchy website domain that could possibly ever use use her name.  So if you were looking for a Taylorswift.adult...sorry about you...this girl is closely guarding her image and career. 
 
Kim Kardashian is worried...at least she should be...because her brother could be spilling all her secrets and very soon.  He made it obvious over the weekend that he is more than over her sister and her games because he posted a pic to Instagram of the cray lady from Gone Girl and said that was his sister Kim and then included some expletives.  Fingers crossed a tv outlet shakes him down with some cash because a Rob tell all would be amazing.
 
Ariana Grande blubbering like a baby...and I have video.  It is actually really sweet because over the weekend she did her very first sold out show at Madison Square Garden and the emotions just got to her.  Once she started singing a song about a late family member she started crying, stopped singing and just whispered into the mic I'm sorry.

E On The Q With The Dating Game

Katy Perry is back on the market.  Girl has come to her senses and broke up with John Mayer.  Now according to my source she and John only got back together because it was easy...which come on... we've all been there done that...and it was going well until old problems resurfaced with the worst of them being John's inability to handle her being so much more famous than him...
 
Bradley Cooper is back on the market.  Ladies...this is not a test. If you are interested, he is a 6'1 Capricorn who goes by Coop, enjoys Sushi and reading...and also lives with his Mom...but don't worry...she'll do your laundry too

 

A member of One Direction has left the band...Zayn Malik.  He abandoned the group on tour and is saying it is due to stress but that he will be back.  He is currently in England and the band issued an official statement wishing him a full recovery but this is following on the heels of rumors he cheated on his girlfriend and rumors that the boys had to pass a drug test for some of their Asian shows.
 
Kanye's fans are just as crazy Kanye...because some nutso bid $29,517 for Kanye's leftovers.  After he ate at a restaurant in London, a man kept his fast food trash and put it up on Ebay...now if you want to bid it is still up on the auction block...but all it is is his dirty napkin and his fry container with some leftover fries.

E on The Q Where Adam Levine Hits A Fan

Kate Middleton is getting a Taurus...no not that kind.  While I'm sure royalty appreciates a good Ford, the royal family announced yesterday that Kate and Prince William are expecting their next baby to be born mid to late April giving them a little bundle of Taurus.  Now heads up to them...because Taurus's are known to be headstrong.

 
Someone touched Drake's hair...and nobody does that.  Because footage has surfaced from over the weekend with him performing in a night club in Dubai and some fan reached out and grabbed his head...now to me it looked like a fan just trying to reach out and touch him but that man got the stink eye from Drake and the next thing you know...a fight broke out in the crowd between dude and the body guard.  Moral of the story, don't touch Drake's hair. 
 
Adam Levine hit a fan in the face...So he got a case of the rage while in concert when his sound equipment had some technical difficulties...Adam threw his microphone which bounced off the stage and then popped a fan in the forehead.  
 
Eve Mendes shared how to keep Ryan Gosling happy...she said never do sweatpants.  She told Extra that the leading cause of divorce in America is wearing sweatpants...well she basically just doomed my future marriage...because my man is lucky to see me not wearing stretch pants...plus...nothing is as fine as that elastic fit on the ankle...
 
and stop eating your breakfast for a second...I don't want you to get sick...because 
 
Madonna has sexual chemistry with Justin Bieber...and it's kinda like a trainwreck you can't look away from.  Yesterday the two were on the Ellen Show where they engaged in a dirty version of "Never Have I Ever" and basically all it was was the two of them saying innapropriate things to each other and Madonna talking about Bieber's body in his Calvin Klein Shoot. 

E On The Q Where Chris Brown is a Troll

 
Scott Disick is being paid to go to rehab.  Good job Kardashians...way to play with our sympathies to get a ratings boost.  So it turns out that Kris Jenner brokered a deal somewhere around $500,000 for Scott to endorse a rehab facility in Costa Rica...which no one would have probably ever known about...but the rehab center sent out a press release announcing the partnership.  Go get cancelled already...
 
and speaking of cancelled
 
Fashion Police is circling the drain.  E! hasn't officially pulled the plug yet but says the show will not be back until next fall...AKA they hope we forget about it and they are able to quietly get rid of it.
 
Katie Holmes is rocking a new man...Jamie Foxx!  So these two are taking it to a whole new hot and heavy level because they have been spotted holding hands...but according to my source they have been spending a lot of time together and Katie is at his house all hours of the day.  Listen...as long as he doesn't jump on a couch and declare his love...we are good and this is a Tom Cruise upgrade...
 
Chris Brown is troll...because was busted stalking an ex on social media...which while we all do it, his dum dum self commented on a picture.  Karreuche Tran posted a Bootylicious picture and translated Chris basically wrote...you are beautiful, so don't let anger make you a hoochie...to which America said shut up!
 
PeeWee Herman is back.  After a really long hiatus Judd Apatow is taking his chances with Herman again and is working on a new Peewee adventure. Now it will be produced exclusively for NetFlix which makes sense...because you know...we don't really trust peewee in movie theaters.  It is still in production, and don't worry 80's babies...this one will probably give you nightmares too.

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