Bachelorette land, last night was bananas and we finally got to really see our first look at Kaitlyn as Bachelorette.  She was acting like she had been named a royal queen...

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She started off with the first group date where she literally had the guys beat the junk out of each other in a boxing ring for her affection...it went something like this
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Uhh...I am so manly...
 
No, I am more manly...
 
and then they like punched each other until one passed out and had to go to the hospital.
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On the actual date, Kaitlyn got to smooching basically every guy there...so there was a lot of this noise 
 
Muah
 
The rose of the night of course went to the guy who beat the most guys up in the ring...Ben Z.
 
Then there was the solo date where Kaitlyn took one of the guys to have underwater portraits made.  It was supposed to be a sweet moment...but just reminded me of the sinking scene in titanic and will make for some very awkward pictures to display when these two dont work out...
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And then on the next group date Kaitlyn enlisted the help of the manliest person she knew...Amy Schumer, to help the guys do stand up...and that is saying a lot because she just hung out with Laila Ali...
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This is where we learned who the toolbag of the season is...JJ.  So homeboy decides to tell Amy that life is hard because he is smarter than 90% of the people he encounters..
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after horrible stand up jokes, we have the first cocktail party on Koopah approached Kaitlyn because he thinks that he is there to fulfill a racial quota...and the look on Kaitlyn's face was pure shock and you can immediately see he knew he made a mistake, so he was all...
Kupah
 
you know, I was just making sure your intentions, were aligned with my intentions, so that intentions could be good intentions and I think this is a great story to start our romance off...to which she Kaitlyn was like Ummm...you gots to go. 
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Oh...and then for some reason we follow Britt's love life at the end of the episode...didn't we vote to send her home?!? 
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First things first, lets start with how weird it is that There are two Bachelorettes this season.  It felt like the dudes were trying to order Fro-Yo when deciding which girl to vote for..."Yo...I'll take Kaitlyn in a waffle cone...oh no, let me get the Britt with the Sprinkles"

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but of course Chris Harrison was chomping at the bit over the whole thing.  The only words he said more than "The biggest Twist in Bachelorette History" was "Have you seen my new book?"

 

The girls were so tense...obviously...Kaitlyn looked like she was sucking a lemon and was throwing shade at Britt then entire time but wrapping it up in compliments while Britt cried about how beautiful she is.

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The guys this season are straight up nerds and I feel like the franchise is searching for their next Prince Farming...because there were a lot of country guys this season.  Which Britt was feeling when they were all about her...but as soon as one looked at Kaitlyn, she basically lost it.

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Of course the dudes were bizarre.  There was Tony who I am going to call the Spiritual Gangsta.  This freak talks to his plants and gives them a kiss and tells them that he loves them before he leaves home.  He described himself as sensitive...but what he forgot to mention was that he also lives in his Mom's basement and enjoys rubbing ointment on her corns.

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We had Ryan who got so hammered he picked a fight with the other men, grabbed Kaitlyn's Booty cheeks and was kicked out of the house before the first rose ceremony.  The grossest part is he spent a lot of time in the pool...and we all know he was peeing in there.

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Oh and then one dude drew Kaitlyn a picture of him riding a dinosaur while holding a rose.  That is what we call prison art...

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And then we had a stripper.  He went all Magic Mike when he met the girls.  His stripping wasn't the awkard part though...not seeing Britt pull out a roll of $1's was...

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There were of course the dudes that were trying to step right in like they were already dating the girls and playing protector mode...which was just weird.  There was even a dude who rolled up in a car filled with water that he called a carpool...which while I enjoy a good pun...it wasn't working.  Especially when he explained his job is as an amateur sex coach.  What does that even mean?!?  I mean, other than him wearing a trench coat outside of na-na stores?!?

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We also need to talk about how there are three dudes there from Nashville...THREE!  Where the heck is the Memphis representation.  One named Chris got a good showing because he showed up in a cupcake car and said since he is a dentist he never advises sugar...but that this time he will.  And then he flashed his pearly whites.

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We had a lot of fake careers again and drinks that were drunk and of couse Chris Harrison left us on the edge of our seats and we have to watch tonight to see who is chosen as the Bachelorette...but spoiler alert...it is Kaitlyn.  So be prepared for a lot of pretty crying from Britt, not because she was looking for real love but because her 15 minutes of fame just ended.

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The first pic of Justin TImberlake's son...and he is the cutest little Grizzly ever.  Last night JT posted a pic of wifey and the baby and while they were not at the grizz game in person, they should off their pride with Baby Silas in a Memphis Grizzlies TShirt. I'm taking bets his first words are Whoop that Trick! 

Miley Cyrus is trashy...or lazy...or a little bit of both because homegirl has some of the hairiest armpits that I have ever seen.  Check the picture she posted over the weekend...yikes...I get the heebie jeebies everytime I see it...well we know she is still in a relationship bc these are not the pits of a single lady.  She could braid her all natural hair at this point...Miley is going to have to use a tractor instead of a razor to harvest that crop. 

Harry Styles is a real rocker now...because he has a sick thigh tattoo.  Over the weekend Chelsea Handler posted a pic of her hanging with Harry...but nobody cared about that...all we could focus on was the fact that he now has a massive thigh tattoo...now we can't make out clearly what it is...but my guess is it is a Michael Jackson commemorative or a dragon...just because... 

Lady Gaga could end up on cops...well, not really because the show has been cancelled...but she did have a run in with the law...for loitering.  BUM BUM BUM!  So she took too long getting dropped curbside at a restaurant and got hit with a citation.  So let this be a lesson to you kids out there, stay in school, say no to drugs...and the biggest one...don't loiter if you want to be an upstanding citizen.

Here is the difference in my arm just one week out from my Aqualipo Procedure.  Swelling will continute to go down...but don't they look amazing?!?

Huge thanks to NuBody Concepts of Memphis for doing such a stellar job and at the 6 week mark I will share more pics!  If you want to book a consultation, it is free and you get $500 off your procedure if you mention me, Liz.  Their website is NubodyConcepts.com 

Can you smell what the rock is singing?!? because Dwayne Johnson announced yesterday that he will be starring in a Disney animated film out next year where he will play a character named Mauiu and the whole thing is a musical...not only will he do his own stunts...but he will also be singing his own songs.

Avril Lavigne's mystery illness has been revealed...Lyme Disease.  She did an interview with People magazine where she let everyone know that she was bedridden for 5 months and it all stemmed from a mosquito bite that she received on Tour...she said that her illness is what led to rumors that her husband Chad Kroger was cheating on her but it was just that she couldn't get out with him.

The Kardashians just got a new show...excuse me while I go toss my cookies...because it is official, E has signed the paperwork for a spinoff show called Dash Dolls that will follow employees in their store.  It debuts in the fall and also means that the family with the least talent in Hollywood will make even more money while still doing nothing because they will get a large cut of the series by association.  BTW...you can't see me...but I'm rolling my eyes right now...

Today is a sad day in America for Twilight fans...because Edward is off the market.  Robert Pattinson is officially engaged to FKA Twigs.  His friend TPain let the cat out of the bag in an interview with Vulture...now he tried to play it off as an April Fool's Joke...but after reaching out to sources...it turns out it is in fact true.  Good luck to the happy lovebirds and at least he didn't wind up with Kristin Stewart.

Zayne Malik has left One Direction...and the world is freaking out...check the video to see what happened when I found out...

50 Shades of Grey just got hotter...because the unrated DVD is coming out...and it apparently contains even more graphic scenes and an alternate ending for your at home viewing pleasure.  Yesterday at teaser video was released asking if we want more...and as someone who watched it in the theater...I think I am good with the level that I saw there...but if you like things a little raunchier it comes out on May 8th.

Iggy Azalea got a boob job...so we know the real reason why she has delayed going on tour...it is so her new girls could heal before she jumped and ran around on stage because Iggy admitted to having body issues after moving to Hollywood and considering modeling and when asked if she would change anything she said...I did...four months ago I got implants.

Vin Diesel called out the Oscars...he declared yesterday that Fast and The Furious 7 will win the Oscar for best picture next year...if not, the Oscars will lose all relevancy because this is going to be the biggest movie of the year...which I totally agree with him.  I am over boring movies taking the title!

Vin Diesel gave the sweetest tribute to Paul Walker...and named his new baby daughter after him.  He revealed on the Today Show yesterday that he named her Pauline.  He said that there was no person he was thinking of more when he cut the umbilical cord and knew that Paul was there with him.  Excuse me while I go cry in the corner now.... 

The One Directioners and Beliebers have gone crazy...stay away from Twitter today adults...well at least from the kiddo pages because Liam Payne of One Direction received a Tweet yesterday asking him if he was sad that Justin Bieber would always be more famous than him, to which he responded how many times have I been arrested and all heck broke lose.  Beliebers across the world started sending hate tweets to Liam followed by One Direction fans attacking those people.  It is cray...and I'm just glad Twitter wasn't around at the height of the NSYNC and BSB days... 

The Kardashians are trash...you already knew that...but they have sunk even lower.  After playing our sympathies while secretly having Scott Disick paid to go to rehab...he has ditched the facility and has been seen partying at night in Costa Rica.  Those folks have no home training. 

Taylor Swift is trying to take down the SAT's...high schoolers take a moment to cheer...because apparently the Princeton Review used her song 15 as an example of Bad Grammar...but they had a typo.  Taylor took to Tubmlr last night to set them straight...so the big lesson learned here...is don't take on Taylor.

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